Small edits

27 05 2008

I needed to tweak a few things on this site because I realized there was little coherency. I’ve changed the blog header to an ace picture taken by a very good friend of mine over in Belfast, I think it’s something most people can relate to, eh? I liked my pictures of Coney Island because it’s one of my favourite places that I’ve had the fortune to visit, and not too soon before Astroland is all changed and paved over – so get there while you still can! I’ve kept the wee Hamburger/Cotton Candy man as my avatar as he’s really cute and I love Americana, faded seaside glamour kitch. Being in the Coney Island Mermaid Parade would be an absolute dream! Wrap me in sequined scales and carry me on the shoulders of oiled sailor boyzz! 

I wanted the Brandenburg Gate up there, in keeping with the German theme and the mishmashed German words I’ve been making up, but it didn’t fit the rather stingy banner size  – you can see it on my ‘About Me’ page though. That also doesn’t have much on it but it will soon. I’ve put the Brandenburg Gate up because one day this blog will take me to Berlin, and it’s effectively a big door inviting me in, so ships ahoy!! I’ll be writing soon enough explaining all about the choice of Torschlusspanik as a title and also a translation of the aforementioned mishmashed words that I made up. 

I’m also needing a few linkzzzz on the page to brighten it up, it’s looking a bit bare. Any offers? NOT YOU Mike Schmarmon-harmon, YOU are a BIG SPAMMER. Do not be taken in by his kind words, he is NOT REAL. Same as Amanda Holden is not real, her prescriptive reaction to children on Britain’s Got Talent instantly brings on robotic tears. Fey! 





Torschlusspanik!!

26 04 2008

I am not suffering from a mid-life crisis, although some translations of this German word might suggest so. 

I’ll explain another time why I’ve chosen Torschlusspanik as my blog title, but for now I’ll just leave up some of my own mis-matched German words/English meanings for your enjoyment. 
Wochenendepanik: alternatively known as Freizeitpanik: a panik witnessed many times in middle-England, replacing the ‘Gin and Jag’ hour of the working week, and is that time on Friday evening when everyone rushes to the supermarket (in the 4X4, natch) to buy the last few bottles of Shiraz and whatever ingredients Jamie Oliver has been promoting that week. The same occurs over the long weekends, and certainly just before Christmas or New Year. People fear the nuclear meltdown just around the corner, primed to go off over the May bank holiday, and panik buy anything they can, making the supermarket queues snake right round to the value underwear section.
I love these next two ones, invented by Jackson and me on our last flight to Berlin.
Sandwichflugzeugpanik: argh! That weird English mentality that there will be no food at the airport, nothing at the service stations en route, nothing plain enough to suit the dampened English palate at the cafes; so the only option left is to pack up the egg mayonnaise sandwiches in silver foil, open them up in the sealed container which constitues the crummy budget aeroplane, into which everyone is packed in like cattle and from which the pervasive smell of egg mayo will never leave. 
Rueckwaertssitzplatzpanik: argh! Everyone is crammed in like cattle in the crummy budget aeroplane, there is no room to stretch out your smallest, tiny toe, not even the really small, tiny extra toe that you were born with because your mum lived near a nuclear power plant, and suddenly – kerank! The biddy in front pushes her seat right back thereby causing immediate bruising on your poor legs and suspect DVT. 
Heisseswetterpanik: this one is really similar to Freizeitpanik. It’s over 10 degrees, people go crazy, the shirts come off and the sun roofs open. Then someone on the M6 realises they left the egg mayo sandwiches melting on the kitchen worktop so they execute a U-ey, and everyone else has to spend 5 hours stuck in a jam because we were all stupid enough to think that on the first heiss day of the year we’d be able to make a quick 3 hour getaway down to the nearest stretch of coastline. 
Duschbadpanik: I really only put this one in for ‘Psycho’ fans, or people who watched Psycho and now can never take a shower when the protective splash-back is just a flimsy curtain and they’re not sure if Norman Bates is really hiding behind the towel rail.
Arschlochpanik: this one is a serious one. The fear arising in you that something bad is coming your way and it is all because the person behind it is an ‘arschloch‘. A complete and utter arschloch. Not because ‘it was meant to be’, or ‘wrong place, wrong time’ or ‘an accident waiting to happen’. No, arschlochpanik is caused purely because that person is so willfully self-absorbed that they fail to observe the world around them and are blissfully ignorant of the suffering caused by their stupidity.  
Genug for now-
It’s Friday, which means double-trouble Sutherland TV time! Dirty, Sexy, Money followed by an episode of 24!