Too hot to work, generally too hawt

2 07 2009

It’s scorching outside and I can’t even be bothered to go out and buy a fan.

In my head the only heaven that exists is the one where I will meet all the dead animals I have ever known.

That moment when your old pet cats run up to you, mewing and purring and frantically rubbing themselves against your legs is something we should all look forward to.

Sometimes I dream about my old cats, and I truthfully wake up crying.  It’s a different kind of sadness when a pet dies; because who knows if our cats and dogs could really understand what impact they had in our human worlds. And they can’t really understand what’s going on when they get sick and poorly.

In my strange irrational thinking about animal heaven, I even fear that when I scoop up my cats in my arms, as we bounce around on those fluffy clouds, I would crush and smother them because I wouldn’t want to let go. But then a friend pointed that in animal heaven all the cats would speak like the ones from ‘i can haz cheeseburger’ – and I think he’s right.

“pleese don’t squeeze me. you iz squeezing the kitteh”

“i alwayz lubs you 2, you scratch my ears and i puuurrr”

something like that.

And then it would just be an eternity of lounging on soft clouds, a menagerie of animals surrounding us, plenty of catnip and cuddlez for all. Sometimes we would all dance along in a long line, holding hand to paw, to the song ‘Aquarius’. Then we would all fall into a field of catnip so the kittehs could roll around and have their bellehs scratched.

Finally we can tell our pets  just what they mean to us and they will say:

‘yes, but belleh is hungrie, and i have an itch behind my earz’

Ok, these aren’t kittehs  but they are the doggehs I lubs very much.

not quite a cat

not quite a cat

I lubs you, i lubs you, i lubs you!!!!!!!

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3 responses

27 07 2009
Prince Gomolvilas

You had better make sure that you don’t end up in hell then.

4 08 2009
narrioch

What? Why would you even say that? you’re so MEAN. But if I’m there, I can think of a whole load of friends I’m going to see down below!

5 08 2009
Prince Gomolvilas

I’m using good old negative reinforcement to ensure that you fight your way into heaven!

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