3 10 2008

Thought I’d just write spokaki here again so I can googlewhack myself. And it’s still making me laugh.

So when I’m not chatting to errant foot fetishists who stumble across me on the internet, I’m usually hanging out with ‘the pack’. Luckily for the foot lovers, I don’t judge; it does nothing for me but if they want to talk about cleaning my shoes so be it, I’m generous like that. Little do they know I’m sitting here in my dog walking clothes covered in mud. So ‘the pack’ are taking up a lot of my time, including finding ‘Poo in a net’ the other night. In a horribly fascinated way I wanted to know what ‘Poo in a net’ really was, but then again, it’s best I never found out. I had a friend fly over the other week and while I left him and his wife to snuggle down for the night, Jackson and I took the then only dog out for her midnight walk.

Does anyone else train their dog to ‘leave it’ and ‘drop it’?? ‘Leave it’ being the command for ‘leave my titpant now before you ruin my bra. I don’t trust those German bras to buy new ones’; and ‘drop it’ being ‘ha ha, I told you so. Olives aren’t those tasty, smushy grapes you love!’.

So yeah, leave it and drop it are important commands. Especially when you find POO IN A NET. I explain: it’s dark, you see the dog pick something up off the floor, you go through the whole ‘drop it, drop it’ routine. You then realise that sometimes people recklessly throw out bones and the like so you have to actually now put your hand in the dogs mouth. And as you dog lovers will know, you can NEVER take a dog’s food away from them, unless it is POO IN A NET. My fingers are in the dog’s mouth, my hand is in the dog’s mouth, I’m pulling this weird plastic thing out, it doesn’t just pop out of her mouth, it freaking SLIDES UP FROM HER THROAT. A poo in a net is half way down the damn dog’s mouth. My concern for the dog now turns to horror as I try to examine in the dim light exactly what it is I am holding. You know those little plastic bags that garlic and the like come in? It was like that, but green, and contained what I can only describe as poo. A big mushed up brown splodge with bitty bits in it, and absolutely stinking. Like last year’s sausage meat pulled out of the Christmas turkey. I am holding POO IN A NET.

I hope you aren’t eating right now.
I am vegetarian, I won’t ever eat sausage meat again – you might.

The Pack!!

From left to right: Bouziy-Schmusi Woo Woo, Skelpie Never Wee Wee, Ferkel Fart Face




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