Down among the Bin Hokers

29 08 2008

I’ve had to change my cafe and internet habits these days as the hard wooden chairs have pinched something way down deep in my backside (google search results for that one please!) and my foot is tingling as a consequence. So less internet time for me, and less sly gazes at passing males. Too bad. I love the way the cafe here has produced a microcosm of society – but at what point do you start talking to someone when you see them every day? I’ve managed with the staff so far but the customers it’s a bit trickier. One guy always smiles at me and kind of nods his head in a ‘oh, you again, me too – how embarrassing we’re here every day’. But I can’t get close enough to chat as I think the waitress is heavily flirting with him and she gave me a frosty greeting earlier. So that’s that. Then there’s the odd couple who sit here ALL day with two bottles of water between them, seriously I’ve seen them at 10.30 am and then 6pm as I’ve walked past back from town. I’ve tried speaking to them but I really only got grunts back. So that’s that. Any time I do speak to the waiting staff I always get the giggles, really badly. I don’t know why, I can speak to them in German fine but then I get all hot and flustered because the temperature varies from freezing, brass monkey in one end of the room, to tropical balminess by the counter. And with my useless pale skin I know I’m going bright red from the heat and bright red from the embarrassment of speaking to someone with my garbled language and confusing ‘where do you come from’ for ‘what do you want to drink?’.  I then end up saying  ‘So, how much do I owe?’ and ‘how embarrassing!’ and running off. 

 

So here’s a repeat of a conversation I had with a bin hoker yesterday. It was all in German but I’ll write it in English:

 

SCENE: Reasonably well-dressed woman in pink sports jacket and new looking trainers is hoking in the bins in the park. I’m playing dogobee with my friend and his dog. Dogs are allowed on the lead, but not off, the dog is on the lead. Lady approaches with shopping bag, starts pointing a gnarly finger.

 

BIN HOKER: Dogs are not allowed here, this is a ‘lying place’, people lie here. The dog pisses and shits here and children play here. You will get fined 180 euros.

ME: Actually it says dogs are allowed when……

BIN HOKER: This is NOT for discussion, dogs are not allowed here!

ME: Well, the sign says that dogs are…

BIN HOKER: THIS IS NOT FOR DISCUSSION!!

ME: Ok, then let’s not discuss it.

BIN HOKER: THIS IS NOT FOR DISCUSSION!! The Police will come and fine you 180 euros!!

ME: OK THANK YOU!

 

Bin hoker exits.

 

JACKSON: Jeez…

ME: Jeez…

 

We continue playing with the dog. Bin Hoker approaches again.

BIN HOKER: Are you English?

ME: No (half a lie)

BIN HOKER: Do you speak English?

ME: No (whole lie)

BIN HOKER: I gave you ONE SECOND to disappear! Dogs are not allowed, this is a protected area since 1987.

ME: Actually dogs are allowed…

BIN HOKER: I GAVE YOU ONE SECOND TO DISAPPEAR!

ME: One second, really? That’s a bit quick.

BIN HOKER: There are police behind you and in front of you, they charge you 180 euros. I told you to disappear.

ME: Did you find anything nice in the bins?

BIN HOKER – stumped silence, gaping mouth.

BIN HOKER: I gave you ONE SECOND! People lie here, the dog pisses everywhere.

JACKSON: WHY ARE YOU BEING SO RUDE? (that was in English)

BIN HOKER: I’m going to the police and they will control you and you will have to pay a fine.

ME: Well I’m sure they know you down there already.

 

BIN HOKER walks off mumbling.

 

ME: Yes, THANK YOU!

 

Bin hoker explanation

Bin hoking in practice

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4 responses

4 09 2008
Prince Gomolvilas

I’m going to call everyone “bin hoker” from now on. “That Sarah Palin is nothing more than a common bin hoker!”

5 09 2008
narrioch

Oh yes! You must, you must!

5 09 2008
beautravail

For added emphasis, don’t forget that the phrase must be prefixed by ‘dorty [dirty] wee [little]’… as in DORTY WEE BIN HOKER

5 09 2008
narrioch

DORTY!

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