One sweet and sour pork, two fried rice and SILENCE!!!

31 05 2008

I think the presence of tinnitus is following me around after I wrote this.

I was sitting in Chinatown having a meal with Jackson and a rather flamboyant Spaniard when a fellow diner (I’m guessing any age between 30 and 70) wearing track pants and a grey wife-beater, sporting a buzz cut and boobs swinging freely at her waistband approached us, shouting and flailing her arms wildly, as she did – “SILENCE, I’ve got to have SILENCE. I’ve got TINNITUS! TINNITUS”. A strangled mewl proceeded “WaaaaaWAAAAAAAA”. Being as polite as we could, with minimal eye rolling, we got up and switched tables.

I’m lamenting not having ITV2 right now, I thought I’d be sated with the finale of Britain’s Got Tat/Talent, but I see that there is an American version doing the rounds too. I would love, love, love to see this especially with Sharon Osbourne and David Hasselhoff sitting side by side. Their comments, I’m sure, would be priceless. Weirdest of all, having sat open-mouthed through much of the petit mal of recent talent shows, is my absolute surprise at developing a crush on Cowell. I know loads of girls always go on about him when they audition but I was never really buying that whole Cowell = sex vibe. But something certainly switched a light on earlier this week – apparently he loves animals, and well, I love a man who loves animals. Gets me every time.

About Hasselhoff though, no crush there but I was laughing away earlier as I remembered a defining moment of my teenage years, an epiphany of sorts at how easy it is for growing boys to turn puce with embarrassment. I was on a school exchange to Germany, our German class with the local boys German class. It was disastrous; we were allowed a party at which we were told (by the German teacher) “you can drink wine and beer, but no alcohol”, it was like the Hallelujah chorus to our light-weight ears. However, the best part of it was my best friend and me becoming buddies with one of the boys on the trip with us. He was tall and butch, he had a biker look about him, his hair was long and messed up, he wore a leather jacket – Dan was our friend. One afternoon we went into the local record store, I don’t know why, German music didn’t produce much in the 1990s. Our friend took great delight in scouring the posters for sale for AC-DC, Motorhead, Metallica, White Snake and the like. He picked one out – some rough and ready metal group, flames blazing, biceps tattooed, leather waistcoats, long hair and off he went to pay. The whole class met up outside with Dan to see the big unveiling. The plastic sheath was slide off seductively, the poster was pulled out bit by bit, it was slowly unravelled to show us all – a topless David Hasslehoff sitting astride a Harley. Oh, how we laughed and laughed! Weirdly enough, about 4 years later Dan turned up at my friend’s house, totally unexpected considering we hadn’t kept it touch, with a large picture of her face that he’d done for his Art project. Creep.

Jackson and I are totally miffed at missing the Zombie Walk at Alexanderplatz in Berlin that took place today. Next year we’ll be there, maybe I’ll be wearing the Nosferatu t-shirt I found in the back of my closet just now. What a treasure!




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