Celebrating Mediocrity

10 05 2008

So much to write, all those little thoughts spinning round my brain. This, I think, is the reason why people always, always bump into me in supermarkets: they are attracted by the sound of the cogs whirring inside – and simple sounds, like flashes of movement, is all that it takes to grasp the attention of most people these days. 


Take the word wan-ker, a simple, two syllable word that was blasted out continuously last night by Johnny Vegas. The great public love it, a simple, easy to repeat word like wan-ker or mon-key reels them in every time. A snappy catchphrase that they can repeat up and down the coast of Magaluf. I’m sure most of the BBC’s production budget was spent on acquiring Sir Alan (clever, ambitious, hard-working, resourceful, INTERESTING) last night so they had to fill the other two slots with some non-entities that could hold the audience’s attention by either short, snappy two syllable words or the bright flashes of Jade Jagger’s jewellery. Seriously, why was she even there? Did you catch anything of what she was saying? It was amusing enough just to watch Ross digging as deep as he could to eke out a response from her.


“So, ya, ya, I was, like a painter…”

“Oh really, and what did you paint?” (come on, this at least must yield some response)

“Umm, like, umm…..decorative stuff…???” Decorative? Decorative? A child launching free-expression as they scrawl on the walls with a crayon is decorative. 

Then she shook her arms and her bangles about and said “Can you hear them rattle?”. See, in that respect she’s clever (sic), she knows that sound, especially rattles, will rouse the viewers from their stupor. 


I’m looking forward to Britain’s Got Talent later, and hypothesising on the petit mal that might be induced this time. Will anyone jump off the stage again, instantly grabbing the attention of the audience as they are lured in by movement? Does the Queen really want to see a small child lisping into their recorder, or even better, playing it with their nose? Bring back the transvestite with the small-woman-puppet on strings in the box! It was the stuff of Grimms’ fairytale nightmares but a ton better than Ave Maria squawked out by a woman resembling a parakeet (yes, that’s you Nadia Sawalah, whenever you present !SPAIN!, you resemble a parakeet in all your colourful glory).


Just one final observation. I’ve got to the end of Series 6 of 24, and I was quite emotional by it. I’m glad that Chloe’s got a MoChlo on the go, and Nadia knows that Milo really loved her – told to her by his mysteriously disappearing brother. Maybe he was the ghost of Milo himself?  The producers must have thought this was the last one, right? They’ve never wrapped up a series like they did this time, there were always cliff hangers or just sudden endings with little explanation. This time there were congratualtory hand shakes, Jack looking contemplative, reunions, pregnancy and Audrey still looking skeletal. And the silent clock. ahhhh. Who gets the silent clock, anyone know? Edgar got it but Curtis didn’t, nor did Milo, so what do you need to deserve one? I’m looking forward to Series 7 and the film but it might be a while till it hits our screen.

I know there’s a trailer out there, I nearly watched it on the blog Bamboo Nation but I resisted! a-ha! You should check out Bamboo Nation though, I was lamenting for some time that there’s nothing fun on the internet anymore but this site is good, and you get to watch Pork Chop being weighed!


A bit of heisseswetterpanik is hitting the backwater towns this week. All the hams are out, heaving their pink, hammy arms up and down the highstreet. They love the hots and they just love walking ignorantly in the path of the Aerobee, with their brood of children, as Jackson and I try to flick a few spins out. I told you, they’re just drawn to simple flashes of movement. Even the wheel is still a novelty for most people round here. 


p.s. Donald S – you were dressed like Humpty Dumpty in Dirty, Sexy, Money last night, in your bright orange britches, pulled right up tight, but we forgive and still love you! 




2 responses

14 05 2008
Prince Gomolvilas

I will tell you right now, you MUST NOT watch the trailer for season 7 of “24.” It will RUIN EVERYTHING! 🙂

14 05 2008

I shall resist, and sit on my hands to avoid pressing ‘play’! ps – we love Pork Chop here in the UK…meow

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: